Southern Wisconsin Power Exchange (SWIPE)-FetLife
(Editor’s note: SWIPE is a discussion group. They don’t lecture. No one is an expert. It’s just a group of peers discussing thoughts and experiences.)
Thank you to everyone who came out to the Waukesha discussion on Power Exchange on Sunday, March 25th!
Please find below a summary of our discussion. The personal stories that people share are really what makes the meetings worth coming to. It feels so good to find out you aren’t the only one that feels that way (whatever way you feel). I will not recount the personal stories here. If you want to share your experiences, please feel free to do so. If I missed some key points of the discussion or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do so as well.
What does Power Exchange mean to you?
• Giving your power to your partner.
• Not a one-way street, the Dom needs to take on the responsibility of caring for a sub.
• Being empowered with carrying out the Dom’s choice(s).
• Playing to your strengths (whomever cooks better or handles finances better or cleans better takes on that responsibility).
• Consensual and negotiated responsibilities.
What does Total Power Exchange (TPE) mean to you?
• Everything and every decision is made by the Dom/Master including financial and family decisions.
• All based on consent and negotiated.
Submission is given or earned but not taken.
A possible scale of Power Exchange:
• BDSM Heavy = Total Power Exchange (i.e. 24/7, Leather Guard)
• BDSM Medium = In the Dungeon or events, roles defined and adhered to. At home, power is more equally distributed.
• BDSM Light = Power is equally distributed. Decisions mutually agreed upon with the Dom/Master having the final say.
How does the Power Exchange goes out of balance?
• When either partner does something non-consensual/non-negotiated.
• Pulling the “Dom” card can cause strain on the relationship, sub to mistrust you with their feelings.
• Agreeing to do something even if you don’t know or understand what it is or the consequences of doing it.
Co-dependent behavior can distort the Power Exchange:
• Buffers inappropriate behavior of your partner.
• Desire to keep your partner in a specific role even if it is detrimental to their growth.
Red flags in Power Exchange:
• Fearing your partner.
• When the bottom says “Just do whatever you want to me.”
What attributes are in a good/healthy Power Exchange?
• Empowering the submissive.
• Giving the partner confidence.
• Positive reinforcement.
• Open communication without fear.
• Mutual personal responsibility.
• Taking ownership of your actions.
For the Madison notes on Power Exchange, click here
Our next Madison meeting is Friday, April 13th at 7:30pm – “Hi! I’m new. How do I start?”
Our next Waukesha meeting is Sunday, April 22nd at 6:30pm – “Doubt”