Waukesha – Notes from Burnout – Sun, Sept 23rd

WAUKESHA, Wisc. – Thank you to everyone who came out to the Waukesha discussion on “Burnout” on Sunday, September 23rd! Thank you for everyone who brought a treat to share! What a sugar rush!

Please find below a summary of our discussion. The personal stories that people share are really what makes the meetings worth coming to. It feels so good to find out that you aren’t the only one that feels that way (whatever way you feel). I will not recount the personal stories here. If you want to share your experiences, please feel free to do so. If I missed some key points of the discussion or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do so as well.

Here is the link to the Madison group’s Burnout notes

Causes of Burnout:

  • Bad experiences.
  • Repetitiveness/boredom.
  • “It’s not working.”
  • Spreading yourself too thin trying to do too many munches, events, play parties, volunteering, etc.
  • Breaking up/change in your relationship.
  • Not finding a relationship.
  • Overload – no balance between kink and vanilla life.
  • Frenzy…. and then, crash.
  • Politics/drama of the community.
  • Optional withdrawal – choosing to step back from the community.
  • Life happens – other responsibilities take priority.
  • Peer pressure.
  • When your “role” doesn’t fit anymore.
  • Don’t know how or not allowed to evolve.
  • Pigeon-holed into one thing, i.e. expected to be the “electric guy” so you don’t get asked to play with anything else.

How do you combat Burnout?

  • Making an effort to meet new people.
  • Talk with your friends and yourself honestly.
  • Step back and take inventory/reflect.
  • Give yourself a little breathing room.
  • Be the change you want to see.
  • Don’t do anything permanent for a temporary issue.

Why do people come back into the lifestyle/community?

  • Miss it.
  • Couldn’t ignore who you really are.
  • Try to get more energy back into your relationship.

How can you help someone with Burnout?

  • Be a friend and listen.
  • Be careful. The person may not listen or appreciate your advice, if you try to “fix” them.
  • Be supportive.
  • Offer to hold onto their stuff until they are ready to come back into the lifestyle/community.
  • Don’t take it personally if they want to leave the lifestyle/community.
  • Put the “issue” into perspective.

What if your partner wants to leave the lifestyle/community?

  • Communicate and negotiate to find a balance.
  • Be receptive to your partner.
  • Know your options.
  • Go with the slower person’s speed.
  • Find ways to evolve together even if you are on different paths.

Our next Madison meeting is October 12th at 7:30pm – The D/s spectrum – Where do you fit in that spectrum? Can you still be called a Dominant if you like to feel pain or lick your subs’ toes? Can you still be a sub if you like to throw people under the bus or top others? Where do switches fit in?

Our next Waukesha meeting is October 28th at 6:30pm – Polyamory/Non-monogamy – What are your definitions of Polyamory and Non-monogamy? If you play with others, how do you make either work within your relationship? If a couple wanted to start a polyamorous/non-monogamous relationship, what advice would you give them? If a single wanted to be a part of a polyamorous/non-monogamous relationship, what advice would you give to that person?