SWIPE-Waukesha – Summary of Long Distance Relationships – Sept 22.

WAUKESHA, Wisc. – Thank you to everyone who came out to the SWIPE-Waukesha discussion on “Long Distance Relationships” on Sunday, Sept 22nd!  Thank you to everyone who joined us and to Lady_Bird for bringing cake!

Please find below a summary of our discussion. The personal stories that people share are really what makes the meetings worth coming to.  I will not recount the personal stories here.  If you want to share your experiences, please feel free to do so. If I missed some key points of the discussion or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do so as well.

Long Distance Relationship:

  • The amount of time you spend apart from your partner.
  • Online
  • You can still be in the same room and still be distant.

Is it true?  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

  • It’s bullshit.
  • Dom/sub drop is greater.
  • Sometimes not living with someone is better.  You can drink from the milk carton.


  • Used to be letters and long distance phones calls (expensive).
  • Text
  • Instant Message
  • Skype
  • Cell phone
  • Email

Advantages to non – face-to-face contact:

  • Communicate better without being physically distracted (wanting to make out instead of talk).
  • Get more details by asking “what did you mean by that?”
  • Open and honest communication

Disadvantages to non – face-to-face contact:

  • Body language is missed.
  • The way you write may not communicate what you really want to say.
  • The way you comprehend written word, you may not get what the writer is trying to convey.

How do you deal with the “goodbye for now”?

  • Look forward to the next conversation/email/IM or Skype time.
  • Plan the next meeting before this one is over – book the trip together.

Be a good listener; let the person finish talking before responding.  Don’t assume you know what they are going to say by thinking of an answer before they are done talking.

Why would you have a long distance relationship?

  • Wanted honesty – no bull.
  • You don’t have to live with someone.
  • Loneliness.
  • Wanted friendship.
  • Take things slower.
  • Not all physical; can be mentally stimulating.
  • Convenience and availability.
  • Sometimes you can’t find what you want in person.

Our next Madison meeting is Friday, October 11th @ 7:30pm – Trust – How do you gain/earn a sub’s trust?  How do you gain/earn a Dom’s trust?  How do you learn to give up control to a Dom?  How do you learn to trust your partner when playing together or when playing with others?

Our next Waukesha meeting is Sunday, October 27th @ 6:30pm – Finding Balance in Your Relationship – How do you find balance between kink, day-to-day life, vanilla responsibilities, etc? What do you do to make sure kink doesn’t get lost when you have a thousand other things on your plate? How do you nourish your D/s or kink relationship between play or when play isn’t on the schedule?