SWIPE-Waukesha – Notes from Play in Your Relationship – Sun, Jan 24

WAUKESHA — Thank you to everyone who came out to the Waukesha discussion on “Play in Your Relationship” on Sunday, January 24th!

Thanks to everyone who shared their personal stories! Those stories are really what make the meetings worth coming to along with the laughter and camaraderie! We will not recount the personal stories here. Thanks to @girlofmyst for taking notes! If some key points of the discussion were missed or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do so.

Is play important to your relationship?

  • Yes, if it’s solely based on play.
  • No, if other things are important.

What causes play to die off?

  • Other things (vanilla life) getting in the way.
  • As other things take importance or time, periods of no interest/anti-socialness can reduce play.

How do you prevent play from dying off?

  • Keep reinforcing protocols.
  • It is important to define the things that should be consistent.
  • Couples need to keep checking in with each other about what is important.

How does play effect relationship dynamics?

  • Role of play evolved with the needs of the couple.
  • Sometimes play is important for connection, makes a partner feel desired or important.
  • Is it better to forgo play or to risk having the other person resent no play?
  • Couples play a lot more in general when they don’t live together/when there are no kids.

Outsourcing play can, at times, develop jealousy issues:

  • Sometimes at an event these things can’t be helped. (See Surviving an Event notes for more details)
  • Couples expectations at events could be completely opposite if they don’t effectively communicate with each other.

Does playing or not playing affect your relationship?

  • Yes, because without play some partners can turn into “hell beasts”.
  • Yes, not playing can erode the relationship if play or D/s is the foundation of the relationship.
  • No, if you continue to be somehow involved in play by helping your partner.
  • Connection is important if you go to a party with a partner, a person may feel desired through play.
  • Play helps make a connection.
  • No play can lead to frustration.
  • Play could just be playful; play is not just about having scenes.

Can a person who is kinky last in a relationship when there is a lack of play?

  • Yes, in a 2-Top scenario.
  • No, if labor-intensive kick is needed for a turn on.
  • Yes or no, if the relationship can survive the outsourcing of play.
  • No, a vanilla person may be intimidated by play.
  • The better question: Is the relationship dependent solely on play?

Do different styles of play have different effects?

  • Rope is not impact and is still a connection.
  • Service can go into vanilla.
  • It all depends on needs; something masochistic is different than service, but service needs to be appreciated of actions.
  • Appreciation goes a long way.
  • Love Languages
  • Love Languages Quiz

When you don’t get the type of play you are expecting:

  • It can ruin subspace and an indication that better communication is needed.
  • It’s hard to know what to ask for if you don’t know the possibilities, who to ask, etc.

Our next Madison discussion – Friday, Mar 11th @ 7pm – Support in the Lifestyle – How/Where do you find support in the lifestyle? If you are single or in a relationship, who do you turn to for a support network? Where do you find can you find a support network? Do you look within or outside of the lifestyle?