SWIPE-Waukehsa – Summary of ‘Hi, I’ve been away. How do I restart?’

WAUKESHA – Thank you to everyone who came out to the Waukesha discussion on “Hi! I’ve been away. How do I restart?” on Sunday, Feb 22nd!

Thanks to everyone who shared their personal stories. Those stories are really what make the meetings worth coming to along with the laughter and camaraderie! We will not recount the personal stories here. Thanks to @girlofmyst for taking notes! If some key points of the discussion were missed or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do.

Why take a break?

  • Burn out
  • Hypocrites
  • Not satisfied
  • Drama in the community or in relationships
  • Medical/health issues
  • Dating a vanilla with no opportunity for conversion
  • Consent violation
  • Scene gone wrong
  • Fear of outing
  • Family situation
  • Relocation

What brought you back?

  • Missing the adrenaline rush.
  • Being kink friendly/missing kink.
  • Needing a place to belong .
  • Comradery.
  • Acceptance.
  • A community that critiques instead of judges.
  • Being around people that are better at explaining their needs.
  • Safety is better within the kink community.
  • Support Network.
  • Came back after relationships are over and/or relationship troubles are over/resolved.

How do you get over vanilla relationship hang-ups?

  • Having current relationship and ex in same room.
  • Getting over the “slut” image.
  • Recognize that this is in your head.
  • It’s kind of similar to the gay community, in that there’s a limited pool of people.
  • It’s all about trust.

What are barriers to coming back?

  • Fucked up bad.
  • Community has changed.
  • Bad scenes.
  • Fear of missing out (FOMO).
  • Fear of being judged.
  • Fear of running into the ex.
  • Living in your head.

How do you come back into the community?

  • Slowly.
  • Or dive in “like a boss”.
  • It depends on how you left.
  • Find someone with friends who are supportive.
  • Find a mentor.
  • Go to a munch.
  • Contact old friend.
  • Making friends with and being active on FetLife helps when gone for a long time.

Our next Madison meeting is Friday, April 10th @ 7pm NOTE: New time and new place – How to Find a Partner – Where do you look for a long term partner? If you want a play partner, does your strategy change? How did you find your partner? What traits do you look for? Which ones turn you off?