SWIPE-Madison – Synopsis of Being Single in the Kink Community, Feb 14

MADISON, Wisc. – Thank you to everyone for coming out to the Madison discussion on “Being Single in the Kink Community” on Friday, February 14th!  It was great to see so many newbies and everyone getting Valentine’s treats from @cxoveluri!  If you missed it, we’ll be having this topic in Waukesha in October.

Thanks to everyone who shared their personal stories.  Those stories are really what make the meetings worth coming to along with the laughter and camaraderie!  We will not recount the personal stories here.  Thanks to @Lady_Bird for taking notes!  If some key points of the discussion were missed or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do.

What does it feel like being single in the kink community?

  • Feels the same as being in vanilla life
  • Like a third wheel
  • Feel like you’re being accused of being strange/weird/creepy (especially solo males)

How do you come into the community single?

  • Thru friends
  • From websites i.e.: Collar Me (www.collarme.com), OK Cupid (www.okcupid.com) and Fetlife
  • Co-worker
  • Family (yes, there are lots of family members in the community)

Ways to meet people. Going to munches/”safe” places.

Going to events solo:

  • Contact the leader and let them know you are planning to come out, if you’re going for the first time.
  • Ask the leader to watch for you.
  • Maybe make an announcement that you are going for the first time on the FetLife group and others will watch for you too.
  • Go early
  • Observe first and see how others are acting toward each other and toward the staff of the bar or restaurant.
  • People who like each other will hang out together; it’s human nature not necessarily cliquish.
  • You need to make an effort to say hello in case people don’t know if you’re supposed to be with the group.

Not ALL leaders are safe:

  • Trust your gut instincts
  • Get references
  • Look for positive people

Single and going to private/public play parties:

  • Some go to socialize
  • Some avoid if unpartnered
  • Opportunity to do pick-up play (sometimes this isn’t so much fun, other times is awesome)
  • Private play parties usually have a different energy than public events

Mentors – use a mentor or a top to co-top with as a way to gain experience and confidence.

Be mindful of the energy you give off at events/munches.

Be careful of definitions. Example: Play partner doesn’t always mean sexual although some people might believe it is.

Our next Madison meeting is Friday, March 14th @ 7:30pm @ Denny’s, 433 S. Gammon Rd. – Burnout/Wanting to leave the lifestyle – Ever experience crashing or burnout with the lifestyle? Have Y/you wanted to leave the lifestyle and purge all Y/your stuff? How did it affect Y/your relationship(s) when Y/you told someone? How did Y/you handle these feelings?

Our next Waukesha meeting is Sunday, March 23rd @ 6:30pm – Drama – How does it affect your relationship?  How can Y/you avoid drama in Y/your relationship?  What can Y/you do to help Y/your partner or friend going through a dramatic situation?  What can Y/you do to avoid being sucked into the drama of the community?