SWIPE-Madison – Summary from Events – Fri, July 9th

MADISON, Wisc. – Thank you to everyone for coming out to the Madison discussion on “Events” on Friday, July 9th!  We had a really nice discussion at Denny’s and good service too.   They were very accommodating and we had an entire room to ourselves.  We will be returning to our regular location in September.

Thanks to everyone who shared their personal stories.  Those stories are really what make the meetings worth coming to along with the laughter and camaraderie!  I will not recount the personal stories here.  If I missed some key points of the discussion or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do.

What kind of “Events” are there?

  • Munches
  • Socials – dinners, sloshes
  • Discussion groups
  • Private or public parties
  • Conventions
  • Educational
  • Camping
  • Specialized groups – rope, whip, etc.

What do Y/you look for in an Event (not in any particular order)?

  • Location
  • Who’s going/not going
  • Timing/scheduling
  • Weather
  • Topics
  • Quality of DM’s
  • What the rules are
  • Demographics
  • Cost
  • Distance – how am I going to get there?  Will I be able to drive home afterward?
  • Demo vs play
  • Can I get a dog sitter/babysitter?
  • Alcohol/drug policy
  • Organization – sometimes things don’t run smoothly. Don’t judge the event by Y/your first impression.  New people show up and the energy changes each time.

How do Y/you know that Y/you’re ready to go?

  • Some events have class levels (101/201, beginner/advanced)
  • Sometimes events will be “invite only” based on Y/your known skill level.
  • Ask others about the event.

Where do Y/you find events?

  • Word of mouth
  • FetLife/Events/Near Me or Friends RSVP’d To tabs

Going to Events

  • It’s OK to just observe.  Y/you aren’t required to play (unless, of course, that’s in the rules and if it is, are Y/you sure Y/you want to go?)
  • Know what it is that Y/you’re going to – if it’s a Spanko party, Y/you will see bare butts.  If Y/you don’t want to see bare butts, maybe that’s not the event Y/you want to go to?
  • Don’t set Y/yourself up with too many expectations.
  • Take it slow.
  • Plan downtime.
  • Take time to process what Y/your experiencing.

What turns Y/you off about going to an event?

  • Creepers (How do Y/you really know who they are??  Are they people just not on the same wavelength as Y/you?  Not within the excepted norm on the bell curve??  Pushy/unwashed??)
  • Alcohol/drugs
  • I don’t know anyone going (uncertain about going alone).
  • Reputation of the event.
  • Drama (people can read that on FetLife or hear it from rumors).

How do Y/you and Y/your partner decide to go to an event alone or together?

  • Discuss goals.
  • Negotiate expectations/concerns.
  • Talk about it to death (then, keep talking until Y/your both comfortable).
  • One may not like the topic or have other obligations.
  • Life gets in the way.

Our next Waukesha discussion is Sunday, August 25th at 6:30pm – Sexuality – How do you define your sexuality? If you considered yourself straight and then you had your first same-sex experience, how did you process it?

Our next Madison discussion is Friday, Sept 13th, at 7:30pm – Outsourcing – If Y/you don’t meet all of Y/your partner’s needs, how do Y/you discuss outsourcing? What rules help make outsourcing successful? How do Y/you feel when Y/your partner gives or receives outsourcing? If Y/you are unpartnered, but are someone that people outsource to, how does that make Y/you feel?