SWIPE-Madison – Recap of Surviving an Event – Fri, Jan 10th

MADISON, Wisc. – Thank you to everyone for coming out to the SWIPE-Madison discussion on “Surviving an Event” on Friday, January 10th!  It was an icy drive and we appreciate those that braved the roads.

Thanks to everyone who shared their personal stories.  Those stories are really what make the meetings worth coming to along with the laughter and camaraderie!  I will not recount the personal stories here.  If I missed some key points of the discussion or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do.

Previous Madison notes:  https://fetlife.com/groups/7324/group_posts/2213396…

Previous Waukesha notes:  https://fetlife.com/groups/7324/group_posts/1557725…

An event can be a munch, private play party, convention, or any kinky gathering.

The atmosphere of public play can change the way people play.  People may be more showy or more timid.

Things to consider when going as a couple:

  • Emotions are high.
  • D-type is the authority.  When at an educational event, there will be lots of authority which can cause conflict.  s-type may see that their D-type may not have been doing things safely or may not have as good of skills as others.
  • Seeing your partner doing something with someone else can be difficult.

Things to consider going solo:

  • Watch people before playing, reviewing their style of play.
  • Ultimately, the decision to play is yours.
  • Maybe get a spotter to watch your scene, if you are playing with someone new.

How to prepare for an event?

  • Communicate with your partner.
  • Talk about goals.
  • Research who you might want to play with.
  • Find out where the nearest coffee shops or restaurants are.
  • Do you have travel experience or not?  If not, you may want to ask questions of those going.
  • Make sure pets and kids will be cared for while you’re gone so you don’t have to worry about them.
  • Bring your meds and let event medics know.

During the event:

  • Make sure to eat (some healthy stuff, proteins).
  • Get some slep.
  • Don’t fret about missing some things, you can do them next time.
  • Pack comfy shoes and clothes.
  • If solo, have a support network to help you through  the event.
  • Be conscious of what you wear in the vanilla part of the hotel.  Don’t draw attention to yourself or offend hotel rules.  Most people want to go back to the hotel for another event.
  • There’s a limited number of equipment.  Be conscious of others wanting to use it.
  • A lot of events are volunteer run.  DM’s are not always experienced.  Having a spotter can help both the top and the bottom.
  • Whomever is hosting the event has the risk.  Honor the rules of the event.
  • If you demo bottom, make sure you know what you’re getting into. Negotiate before and not during the demo.

After the event:

  • Take the next day off to recuperate.
  • May have drop which can feel like depression or crabby or tired.
  • Have your chores done before you get home and a meal planned so you don’t have to think about cooking.
  • Plan something with your friends so that you connect with them and talk about the event.
  • Jounalize.

How to keep in contact with new friends:

  • Make business cards with your FetLife name and/or email address.
  • Keep a pad of paper and pen and write down info of people you meet.
  • If possible, store info in your phone.
  • Start a friend thread in the event group on FetLife.

Be respectful when meeting others in vanilla setting, they may not want to be outed.  And remember that their scene name may not be the same as their vanilla name, so refrain from calling their “name’ in public.

Our next Waukesha meeting is Sunday, January 26th @ 6:30pm – Hi! I’m New. How do I Start? – If you met someone new, how would you help them to start their journey in this lifestyle? When you were new, what do you wish others would have shared with you?

Our next Madison meeting is Friday, February 14th @ 7:30pm @ Denny’s, 433 S. Gammon Rd. – Being Single in the Kink Community – How do you find play partners? After a relationship ends, how do you get back in the kink dating ring?  How do you deal with “everyone else who’s partnered and you can’t find that certain someone”?  What do you do to prepare for events alone, dealing with an empty bed, or handling drop?