MADISON – Thank you to everyone who came out to the SWIPE-Madison discussion on “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” on Friday, February 13th!
Thanks to everyone who shared their personal stories. Those stories are really what make the meetings worth coming to along with the laughter and camaraderie! We will not recount the personal stories here. If some key points of the discussion were missed or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do.
Being vulnerable can lead to feeling “in love”.
Empowering replaces love. Ex. Dom says “I empower you” to the sub which can help the sub feel secure in and get satisfaction from the relationship.
When the Dom does NOT say “love you”:
- Can mess with the subs’ head.
- Sub may want degradation not love.
- Sub may want to be disconnected.
- May make the sub try harder to obtain Dom’s love.
When saying “love you”:
- Dom can’t hit his/her sub as hard as others.
- Subs’ level of service/devotion may increase.
Love comes in other forms besides verbal – joy, energy, and connection.
Creating boundaries on love:
- “It’s ok to love me but not be ‘in love’ with me.”
- Boundaries differ between types of play: pick-up, long-term partner, play partner.
- Boundaries differ between types of love: romantic, friendship, caretaker (parent/child or Sir/boy).
Love the experience without falling in love or loving the person.
What happens when the enthusiasm of the relationship is gone?
- Make a conscious effort to change the pattern.
- Do something new together.
- Re-learn each other in a new way.
- Talk about meaningful things (positive or growth) daily.
- Make special time together (date night).
How does sex play a role in love?
- Worth (it was agreed that this is not a healthy way to view sex – sex does not equal worth)
- Tool to get what you want (again – not healthy to use sex to manipulate the people/situations)
How does love affect multiple partners?
- Mainstream society says you should be monogamous – this can cause stress on a multi-person relationship.
- Jealousy (see previous SWIPE discussions & Books and Articles stickies for more information)
Our next Madison meeting is Friday, Mar 13th @ 7pm NOTE: New time and new place – Affairs/Infidelity/Cheating – This includes emotional infidelity, one-night stands, internet relationships (including ‘sexting’), long- and short-term affairs and financial infidelity. Can you tell when your partner is cheating on you? What did you do when you caught your partner having an affair? If you cheated on your partner, did you feel guilty and how did you handle the guilt?
Our next Waukesha meeting is Sunday, Mar 22nd @ 6:30pm – Consent – What does consent mean to you? How long does consent last? What do you when consent is violated?