SWIPE-Madison – Recap of Exit Strategy – Fri, Sept 12th

MADISON, Wisc. – Thank you to everyone for coming out to the Madison discussion on “Exit Strategy” on Friday, Sept 12th! Because of the nature of SWIPE, the notes below are based on the participants’ thoughts and ideas. Thank you very much to everyone who came and shared so that others can see things from a new point of view.

Those stories are really what make the meetings worth coming to along with the laughter and camaraderie! We will not recount them here. If some key points of the discussion were missed or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do so.

SWIPE-Waukesha 2012 discussion notes

How not to break up?

  • Text (unless that is the main way you’ve always communicated).
  • IM
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • In a public dungeon
  • Ambushed or trapped in a place where you can’t process

When breaking up consider:

  • The venue
  • Having a support network nearby or in place

If you break up with someone, own it.

Does it matter why you want the break up?

  • If the relationship is not working, then just say it’s not working. There’s no need to degrade the other person based on their physical appearance. “I’m leaving you because you’re fat.” vs. “I’m leaving you because the relationship isn’t working for me.”

How do you handle feeling guilty for breaking up with someone?

  • Therapy
  • Communicate your needs
  • Accept the break up and move on
  • Guilty about making mistakes
  • Guilt sets you up for a no win situation
  • Take responsibility – “I did the only thing I knew at the time. I’ve corrected my mistakes moving forward.”

How long should I wait to date again?

  • As long as you actually processed the breakup, any time is good.
  • Watch for rebound relationships.

How do you get over someone?

  • Go through the 5-stage grieving process:

– Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
– Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
– Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
– Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
– Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

  • Give yourself permission to feel
  • Journalize
  • If you gave up doing stuff that you liked for your partner, go back to doing that stuff.

What might be good things to do when you break up?

  • Don’t go to an event and sit next to them unless it’s agreed upon by both of you.
  • Be cordial.
  • Be silent or ignore the person even if they trash talk you.
  • Keep your friends neutral.
  • Get closure:

– Forgive your ex.
– Forgive yourself.

Our next Madison meeting is Friday, Oct 10th @ 7:30pm @ NEW EASTSIDE LOCATION – Fear – What are you afraid of? Is fear stopping you from moving forward in your relationship? Is fear stopping you from having a relationship? Is fear keeping you from communicating openly with your partner? Is the fear of the unknown the most frightening of all fears?

Our next Waukesha meeting is Sunday, Oct 26th @ 6:30pm – Being Single in the Kink Community – On FetLife, you can be in a relationship or a D/s relationship, what does “being single” mean to you? How do you find play partners? After a relationship ends, how do you get back in the kink dating ring? How do you deal with “everyone else who’s partnered and you can’t find that certain someone”? What do you do to prepare for events alone, dealing with an empty bed, or handling drop?