SWIPE-Madison – Notes from Mentoring – Fri, Dec. 13

MADISON, Wisc. – Thank you to everyone for coming out to the Madison discussion on “Mentoring” on Friday, December 13th!

Thanks to everyone who shared their personal stories.  Those stories are really what make the meetings worth coming to along with the laughter and camaraderie!  I will not recount the personal stories here.  If I missed some key points of the discussion or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do.

What does Mentor(ing) mean to you?

  • Like the old karate movies, wise old master teaching the young.
  • Passing on experiences to others.
  • Guides.
  • Doesn’t need to be one person.

What do Mentors do for you?

  • Guide.
  • Buffer.
  • Slow you down so you don’t frenzy.
  • Causes you to think things thru before you do.
  • Gives practical advice.
  • Teach you so that you don’t have to learn the hard way.

What are the responsibilities of a Mentor?

  • Communicate goals and objectives.
  • Ask thought-provoking questions.
  • Know when it’s not working.
  • Be honest and open, don’t tell them what they want to hear.
  • Provide constructive feedback.
  • What’s your intent?

— Demo? — Play? — Sex?

  • Ask yourself, are you giving honest advice or are you trying to manipulate the mentee to get what you want?

Cost of mentorship – listening to the advice vs disrespecting the mentor by doing the opposite.  In other words, if you’re not going to listen to the advice of the mentor, don’t waste your mentor’s time by asking.

How do you find a mentor?

  • Attend munches and discussion groups.
  • Observe people to see who seems reasonable and helpful to you.
  • Referrals.

Who should Mentor who?

  • If you wanted to be a baker, would you seek another baker, a food critic, or a customer?
  • Dom to Dom, sub to sub.
  • With whatever the two are comfortable.
  • Just because someone asks you to mentor them, doesn’t mean you have to.
  • It’s ok to question your mentor if you don’t agree.
  • You can find that your mentor may not be the right person for you – find another.

Exit strategy for being a Mentor:

  • An acknowledgement that the mentee is ready to “leave the nest”.
  • Communicate.
  • The dynamic will change on its own.
  • A rite of passage or ceremony.

Mentor / Teach / Train

  • Mentoring can be a time investment.
  • Mentoring – you have a relationship (not necessarily sexual) with the mentee.
  • Teach – you either learn (get an A) or don’t learn (get an F).
  • Train for a skill to achieve a specific goal.

Our next Madison meeting is Friday, January 10th @ 7:30pm @ Denny’s, 433 S. Gammon Rd. – Surviving an Event – How do you prepare for the event? What are your expectations? When do you check in with your partner? What do you do if you are going solo? How do you handle post-event drop?

Our next Waukesha meeting is Sunday, January 26th @ 6:30pm – Hi! I’m New. How do I Start? – If you met someone new, how would you help them to start their journey in this lifestyle? When you were new, what do you wish others would have shared with you?