SWIPE-Madison – Notes from D/s and Illness/Disability – Fri, Nov 13

MADISON, Wisc. – Thank you to everyone who came out to the Madison discussion on “D/s and Illness/Disability” on Friday, November 13th!

Thanks to everyone who shared their personal stories. Those stories are really what make the meetings worth coming to along with the laughter and camaraderie! We will not recount the personal stories here. If some key points of the discussion were missed or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do.

SWIPE-Waukesha 2014 discussion notes

Recommended book: Playing with Disabilities

How do things change in the relationship when a partner becomes ill or disabled?

  • Moves from D/s to caretaker.
  • Physical activity decreases.
  • Communication increases.
  • Additional level of commitment.
  • Independence to dependence.
  • New opportunities to have relationships.
  • Opens up new abilities – can’t do one thing so you learn to do something else.

Suffering from:

  • Panic attacks/anxiety
  • Depression
  • Claustrophobia

Ways to calm down/work around:

  • Breathing exercises
  • Fresh air
  • Partner support
  • Do what fills your cup

When illness goes away, the D/s shifts again.

What the caregiver needs:

  • Caregivers need care too.
  • They need to refill their cups.
  • Never know how a caregiver will react to the illness/disability – leave, care, dominate.

When a sub gets sick:

  • Hard to let Dom take care of you.
  • Important to take of yourself and get better quickly.
  • #1 priority of a sub is to take care of Master’s property which is the sub.

Sometimes the disabled do not do a lot of social things and that doesn’t mean that they don’t have moral turpitude. It may mean that the social things are not compatible with their disabilities.

Limitations in play:

  • Hip replacement – limited spanking
  • Fatigue – need to take a break
  • Unable to reach the rings on the top of the cross – find a helper
  • Communicate what the physical/mental issue is and how someone can work around it.
  • Take responsibility for your own illness/disability and make sure play partners know of any limitation’s, you never know what kind of play could happen.

Stop the scene, if you need to – it’s OK!

Our next Waukesha discussion – Sunday, Dec 27th @ 6:30pm – Anger Management – What triggers your anger? How does your anger affect your relationship? How do you deal with it? How does your partner deal with it?