SWIPE-Madison – Notes from Discounting Dominance/submission, June 14

MADISON, Wisc. – Thank you to everyone for coming out to the Madison discussion on “Discounting Dominance/submission” on Friday, June 14th!  We had a really nice discussion.   Thanks to everyone who shared their personal stories.  Those stories are really what make the meetings worth coming to along with the laughter and camaraderie!

I will not recount the personal stories here.  If I missed some key points of the discussion or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do.

Here is the link to Waukesha’s Discounting Dominance/submission discussion

Does there need to be a struggle?

  • Struggle for the sake of struggle is not healthy.
  • No, there doesn’t need to be a struggle; however, a challenge is nice and helps both D- and s-types grow.  Growth is reciprocal.
  • Having no drama is good.
  • A relationship with no conflict can be co-dependent
  • Negotiations are constant not necessarily changing dramatically but being tweaked.
  • Punishment needs to help you grow and think, enhance a scene, or deepen the communication/bond between the partners.

When your D/s needs a kick in the butt:

  • Communicate.
  • Take initiative to say something whether you’re a Dom or a sub.
  • Do kinky events (munches).
  • Do anything different.
  • It’s takes a conscious choice to put a person as your priority.

It’s tough to get the right balance.  Sometimes it’s like a circus performer who has to balance spinning plates on sticks and keep them spinning not allowing them to drop.  Sometimes you have to decide which plate can fall to make sure other things stay in balance.

Can you be a Dominant if you’re not forcing someone to submit?

  • A Dominant person respects the submissive.
  • A Domineering person does not respect the submissive.

Finding the right partner to fit your needs – if you need something, you need to find the person who’ll give you that.

Our next Madison meeting is July 12th, at 7:30pm – BDSM & Family – How do you balance BDSM and family life/vanilla world? What if family members find out you’re kinky? What if you find out your family members are kinky? How would you handle it?

Our next Waukesha meeting is June 23rd, at 6:30pm – Communication in Your Relationship – How do you communicate with your partner or potential partner?  What are your roadblocks to communicating with your partner or potential partner?  What’s your communication style?  What’s one thing you could/would do to improve your communication with your partner or potential partner?