SWIPE-Madison – Notes from Burnout/Wanting to Leave the Lifestyle – Fri, Mar 14th

MADISON – Thank you to everyone for coming out to the Madison discussion on “Burnout/Wanting to leave the lifestyle” on Friday, March 14th!

Thanks to everyone who shared their personal stories.  Those stories are really what make the meetings worth coming to along with the laughter and camaraderie!  We will not recount the personal stories here.  Thanks to @Sir_Wieland for taking notes!  If some key points of the discussion were missed or you want to add some additional thoughts, please feel free to do.

Symptoms of Burnout

  • Not wanting to go to events/munches
  • Exhausted/tired
  • Grumpy/critical of others
  • Not as much fun to be around
  • When you feel you have to instead of want to
  • Only “half “of you shows up
  • Stressed with vanilla life and kink

Possible causes of Burnout

  • Devoting too much time to kink
  • FOMO- Fear Of Missing Out
  • Being a part of or witnessing drama among friends
  • In a rut
  • Work and Home stress
  • Major life experiences (Marriage, Moving, Change of employment, Loss of loved one, change in relationship)
  • Judgmental trends
  • The drama of “isms”  racism, skepticism, sexism, etc…. A strong belief and expecting others to follow suit
  • Expectations of our friends

When one partner hits burnout and the other doesn’t…

  • Stay home with partner and don’t stay involved (can cause resentment)
  • Find Balance in kink/vanilla
  • Watch the energy your giving off; people read your energy
  • Watch out for becoming co-dependent

What you can do when in burnout

  • “Turtle” or stay away from people
  • Communicate to partner(s) and friends that your taking a break
  • Smaller doses of kink and people (don’t think “all or nothing”)
  • Stay in your “safe bubble” of people
  • Don’t sell your toys or liquidate
  • Don’t make any major decisions
  • Don’t clean out your “friends list”
  • Change things up, try something different

Remember that you are the only one responsible for your actions and happiness.

Our next Madison meeting is Friday, April 11th @ 7:30pm @ NEW EASTSIDE LOCATION – How do you make connections in the kink community when you have social anxiety or are shy?  If your partner has social anxiety or is uncomfortable around large groups, what do you do to help?  How do you choose which events to go to?  In a large group situation, how can others help you with your social anxiety or shyness?

Our next Waukesha meeting is Sunday, April 27th @ 6:30pm – Jealousy – What triggers jealousy? How do you control your jealousy? How do you deal with your jealousy? Do you ever get over your jealousy?