March 28 SBK Discussion Group Recap

South Bend Kink LogoSOUTH BEND – My Belle asked me to write up a recap of our discussion group on March 28th. The topic of the discussion was “Coming out to your Friends and Family”.  After writing it up and sending it to her (for her to send on to a couple of friends that missed the discussion), she and sub_julianna both thought it would be a good idea to include it here.

March 28th Discussion Group Topic:

Coming out to your Friends and Family

There are several things to decide before coming out to friends and family about the lifestyle we have chosen.  First, know that there is NO reason to come out to friends and family. The only people that should know about your role in the lifestyle are your doctor, your lawyer, and your partner.  If you do decide to come out to friends and family, you have to decide how much to tell them.  You NEVER have to go into details about your private life. Just as you do not need to know about theirs, they do not need to know about yours.

Once you have decided to come out to them, there are a few simple steps to follow that may make it easier.

1. PLAN THE TIME TO TELL THEM

Pick a good time to tell them. Do not tell them when there is already added stress on the family. Also, make sure that when you decide to have that conversation you will be able to have their complete attention.  Find somewhere quiet without outside distractions.

2. GIVE THEM TIME TO PROCESS

Remember that it takes time for friends and family to process the information that you will be giving them. Don’t expect them to immediately understand.  Be prepared to answer many questions. Be patient with them. What you may consider a stupid question may be the one question they need answered to allow them to accept your decision.

3. KNOWLEDGE

Knowledge is power. Be knowledgeable about this lifestyle that you have chosen.  Find some websites that can offer additional information. Read up about the history of the lifestyle, and share these websites with your friends and family so they can educate themselves as well.

4. REASON FOR COMING OUT

Explain WHY you are coming out to them. Tell them that you want to be honest with them because you love them.  Reassure them that you are still the same person they always knew.

5. UNDERSTANDING OBJECTIONS

Try to understand the reason they may object. Parents want to make sure that they children are safe. Let them know that you are safe in this chosen lifestyle. Make them aware that you have good friends and a very competent support group in the lifestyle.  If you have close friends in the lifestyle that are willing to also speak to your friends or family, use that resource. Ask your parents if it would be ok for someone else to tell them about their experience in the lifestyle.

6. KEEP THE DETAILS TO YOURSELF

Know when not to go into details, and know how to answer private, personal questions.  The easiest way is to look them in the eye and ask them if they REALLY want to know. Give them a chance to say no. And don’t be afraid to tell them that what they want to know is none of their business.

7. EXPLAIN HOW YOU REMAIN SAFE

DO explain about consent, safe words, safe calls, and mentor programs. All of these things help them to realize that you are making safe, well thought out choices.

8. BE CONFIDENT

Don’t be ashamed about who you are. If you feel ashamed explaining your decision to be in this lifestyle, your friends and family will pick up on that and assume that you think what you are doing is wrong. Be confident. Be proud.

Even if you do not plan on coming out to friends and family, it is a good idea to be prepared for that eventuality. Make plans about what you will say if you are outed by someone else.

Sir_Dave_SB
SBK – South Bend Kink (Indiana)