1. Get a good genital shot preferably close enough to show off your cervix. Nothing says approachable like a cervix and for the men, make sure we can see the veins bulging on your erect cock shot, and if you have a Coke can, all the better.
2. Approach all female led threads with caution. Expect PMS, menopause, feeling all of a dither, irrational emotional interpretation of everything that is said, irrational emotional responses to those irrational interpretations, multiple personality disorder, tantrums, posturing to impress the lads, kink competition, references to the charity work they do, sub competition, slave competition , contrary responses because someone has thinner thighs, marauding clucking estrogen drenched mob behavior, jealousy, flouncing and hair tips.
3. Approach all male threads with caution. Expect cock fighting, condescension, showing off, reference to your arse, tits, anus or vagina, threats to spank you every 3 minutes, requests for pictures of your cervix, uber domliness, sexism, fatism, ageism, expletives, cock blocking, territoriality, lack of empathy or sympathy, showing off about whose sub is younger, sluttier, subbier, thinner and generally more superior than everyone else’s, testosterone, hating great men before they say anything, strutting, spitting, leering, jizzing at your pictures when you are being deep and complicated, wanking to your pictures when you are being deep and complicated.
4. Leave poetry for poets. Really.
5. Dont judge. Well, pretend not to judge. PM one another to guffaw at someone’s knobbly vegetable fetish if you must. Remember your kink is not their kink and be very, very, very grateful theirs is not yours.
6. Dont upset slaves. They are more terrifying than their Master’s could ever aspire to be. Not that we see much of these men behind the monsters, they are not allowed to use the computer once their slaves have taken ownership of them and are only allowed out to white knight their slaves in an emergency but only if they are good.
7. Don’t upset poly women. They are already pissed off from having to stand in line for the bathroom all the time.
8. Avoid these words at all times…….. Normal, real, true, crazy, most, assume, the majority , jealous, many, all, should, must, decent, moral, God says so, reasonable, fat, thin, wrong, ugly, toppy, definitely, sycophant, fraud, unladylike, harpie, moron, revolting, disgusting, horrific, appalling, implants, abuse, exploitation, rape, I am a Republican, massive, tiny, indoctrinated , liar, pervert, ill advised, sociopath, narcissist, borderline, sick, beergut, aging, medicating, attention whore, fuck off, insecure, blimp in a condom and cellulite.
9.. Use these words instead……..consensual, blushing, lovely, beautiful, puppy, flowers, fluffy kittens, love, valid, support, awesome, tolerance, hugs, LOL, LOLOL, XOXOXO, PMSL, HAHAHA, LMAO, curvy, courageous, congratulations, trigger warning, voluptuous, Thank you, diversity, different, therapeutic, cool, brilliant, cute, moving, Sir, great, super, smashing, wonderful, embrace, nurture, trust, ecstasy, happy, accept, distinguished, special, breadcrumbs, humbled, awe, grateful, perfect, alternative, peace, stunning, genius, negotiate, I agree, healing, fulfilled, sorry, sharing , and yum.
10. Don’t block anyone. The most pointless tantrumesque exercise since Baku tried to post without someone calling the police or the media. It makes you look like a twat.
11. Don’t post your relationship status too hastily unless you are prepared for the fact that the average FL relationship lasts 6 days and you are prepared for the associated embarrassment of having to change it back. Failing that you can simply leave it up and only change it back when a few respectable years have passed and simply put up with all the celibacy/ loneliness in the meanwhile.
12 . Its a cyber reality. Go to your local dungeon, That is who is on Fetlife as well. Adjust your online expectations accordingly.
13. Go outside occasionally, its good for perspective.