CHICAGO – Come Together to Hoard Canned (and Non-Perishable) Goods for the Apocalypse!!!
As well you know, for millennia the wise Mayans have foretold of the apocalypse that will surely happen this December 21, 2012. Because fore-warned is fore-armed, we will be gathering in a top-secret, partially underground bunker located in Chicago to attempt to survive the coming disaster. So, because the world is ending, please gather together your favorite kinky toys (violet wands may not function after the electro-magnetic pulse destroys all electronics), wear your favorite survival gear (extra points to those bringing and wearing gas masks), and MOST IMPORTANTLY gather together as much canned and non-perishable food items so we can all huddle together and attempt to survive. I mean, you saw The Road, right? You know what happens to those who are caught post-apocalypse without enough canned goods.
Hosted by Adaya, this gathering is open to all LRA members and their guests. We strongly encourage members to invite many guests so that we can hoard as many canned goods as possible. The location of the secret partially-underground bunker will be disclosed to the LRA members and their guests when they show up at the LRA with their canned goods. So, grab your kink gear, and get in line early. If we run out of space, we may have to turn late comers away. And if we don’t get enough canned goods, then we may have to begin the non-consensual, fatal cannibalism scenes early – and NO ONE wants to see that happen!!
Of course, the end of the world has been predicted since the beginning of the world, and it has yet to happen. So on the off-off-off chance that 12/22/12 dawns and the world has not ended all canned and non-perishable goods will be donated to Vital Bridges, an organization which helps those impacted by HIV and AIDS to improve their health and build self-sufficiency by providing food, nutrition counseling, housing, care coordination and prevention services.
And please keep in mind, if the world ends we will need the food to last as long as possible. Heck, even if it doesn’t we still need the food to last, right? So NO expired goods!! Please check the expiration dates before cleaning out your pantry.
Help us repel the coming zombie hoards, bat the asteroids back into outer space, survive the atomic fallout, raft the rapids of the melting polar ice caps and learn how to blow up the space ships of the invading aliens in kinky style and good cheer. Hopefully, together, we can create an apocalypse miracle!!
Non-members of LRA can contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org for more information. You must be at least 19 years of age to attend and LRA has the right to restrict anyone’s entrance to the club at the discretion of the Board of Directors.
Used with permission